Rules… pt 2
Like I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been keeping a list of the “rules” that I unconsciously live by…. so far, my list is 24 rules long.
No wonder I feel like I’m always fighting to not be boxed in or controlled, right? I have at least 24 rules that control my every movement. 24 rules I’m unconsciously fighting against whenever I try to do something that moves me outside of the little box I exist in.
I won’t list them all… suffix it to say, the big ones… the ones that really impose on my ability to enjoy my life the way it is are:
- I should always take care of others needs first
- I should never say “no” because it makes others feel uncomfortable
- I shouldn’t need play
- I should always be achieving MORE
- I should work harder
- I should succeed at anything I try
- I should always be sweet, accepting, understanding and never moody, demanding or angry
Do you share any of these unconscious rules? I wish I could say being aware of them made them magically disappear, but it doesn’t. It does, however, help me understand why I can feel so much angst while in the midst of doing things that I know in my heart are leading me to live a better life. It never fails that those things… things like trying a new activity that I’ve always thought I couldn’t be good at or expressing my needs and wants to those I’m close to… can often throw me into a tailspin of questioning myself, even though I logically know that they’re positive actions.
I’m breaking my own internal rules…
What I’m learning is that the only way past this feeling is through it. No magic pills, no special mantras will help me right now. It’s just being aware and committing to taking the next step anyway… despite feeling uncomfortable, uncertain, and unsure.
“Pain by itself is merely pain,
but the experience of pain coupled with an understanding
that the pain serves a worthy purpose is suffering.
Suffering can be endured because there is a reason for it that is worth the effort.
What is more worthy of your pain than the evolution of your soul?”- Gary Zukav, author, Seat of the Soul
As much as it pains me to admit it, I also struggle with (or have struggled with) six of the seven rules on your list (I have no problem with needing to play). And I agree with you that there is no magic bullet for ridding your life of these. I will say that on the days I am relying more on God and less on myself, I feel a freer. Still, it’s hard to escape my “perfectionist” mindset. While it may be too late to save myself, I am working on my DD. I tell her on a regular basis “Only Jesus is perfect. It’s OK to make a mistake.” She seems to be relaxing more and living by those “rules” less, which in my family is a victory.
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