Yesterday around this time I was filled with energy and joy.  I was feeling really good about the progress I’m making on the virtual workshop I’m creating… feeling good about plans to see a Da Vinci exhibit on Friday… feeling really good about a play I’m working on for the next few weeks and my chance to learn new photography techniques from a truly gifted photographer.

The world felt alive with possibility and promise.

That was yesterday.

Today I woke up grumpy from a bad dream, slightly sick from my monthly visitor, and out of sorts. Ready to snap at anyone and everyone.

In the past, I probably would have snapped at everyone. I would have rushed my kids through their morning routines, snarled at my husband, and found a way to examine and remind myself of every flaw that keeps me from being a six foot tall super model (trust me, there are many… starting with the fact that I am only 5′ 2″!).

The day would pretty much have been destroyed before I ever left my bedroom.

Today, however, is not destroyed.

I am learning. Learning that feelings do not dictate actions.  We have a choice. We can choose to react or we can choose to just be.  Sit with it. Feel it and let it be.

It’s taken me 35 years to realize that feelings just are. They exist, they change, they constantly ebb and flow throughout the day and that’s okay. Most importantly, it’s okay to just FEEL them and not believe that I have to DO something to get rid of them or fix them or … anything.

I had to realize that it’s okay for me to feel grumpy sometimes… to feel overwhelmed… tired… irritable… angry.  All those yucky feelings that the world/family/friends/teachers/strangers imply you wouldn’t or shouldn’t have if you were… good… enlightened… Godly… nice.

When I stop trying to fight the yucky feelings, when I stop judging myself for having “bad” feelings and just accept that this is just HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW this amazing thing happens.  I start to feel better. Calmer. More peaceful.

And in that place, I’m detached enough to see what my feelings are really trying to tell me.  Most often, they speak to me of putting myself last and remind me to be more mindful and self nurturing. Other times  they just remind me that I’m human and perfectly imperfect and that teaches me to have more compassion for others who share that same fate.

Today is gonna be a good day after all.