As part of my preparation for the new year, I created a new ritual for myself.  This morning, I spent time focusing and praying  about the upcoming year. My intent was to prepare myself to receive the blessings that will be coming into my life and to express gratitude for the blessings I’ve received during 2009.

I also spent time reflecting and forgive myself and others for the hurts that I was holding on to.

I’m embarrassed a little to admit that my list was over eight legal-pad pages long!

That’s a lot of hurt to hold on to. As I wrote each item down, I could literally feel my shoulders becoming less tense. By the time I completed the list, I felt tired… like I had just laid down an enormously heavy burden that I’d been carrying for a long time.

And I had.

Holding my list in my hands, I knelt on the floor of my office and prayed over the list, asking for release from those burdens and giving release to those people that I felt hurt by.  Then I shredded the list.

Done.

Gone.

Forgiving really ISN’T about the other person; it’s about freeing yourself.  It’s about releasing yourself from the walls built from that remembered pain.

There was a time I thought holding on to that pain would protect me. Maybe that’s what you think too.

If that’s the case, I invite you to perform your own version of my little ritual. You don’t have to pray or any of that. The important part is to sit quietly and reflect on the hurts you’ve held on to.  Take the time to make a list and really let out every hurt that causes you to wince when you think about it, big and small.  Then reread your list– and think about the times you’ve remembered that hurt and held back… remember the opportunities you’ve passed up… the negative words that have repeated themselves in your head… mostly, try to find even one time where holding on to that hurt has added to your happiness or well being.

If you’re like me, you won’t find even one time.

Not one of those things on my huge, long list ever kept me safe from being hurt again. Holding on to the hurt or the grudge didn’t help me make wiser decisions.  Didn’t save me from heartbreak or sadness or sickness or… just the hard parts of life.

But they did keep me from loving as much as I wanted. They kept me from giving when I really wanted to give. They kept me from reaching out and from sharing myself and my talents.  They shamed me and kept me in a smaller place than I might have been…

Let it go.  The only person being punished is YOU.

Let it go.

Release.

And enjoy the feeling of starting the year brand new.

I just discovered Christine Kane’s blog and was amazed to see that she’s been using the Word of the Year idea successfully for several years now. In fact, December’s theme for her blog was “Word of the Year” guest posts, were guest authors wrote about their 2009 Word of the Year experiences.

Christine has developed a wonderful (and free!) tool for helping others discover their best Word of the Year for 2010. Go visit her blog to see her video and check it out

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Jen Lee’s post about choosing a word of the year really spoke to me.  I’ve never been much on New Year’s resolutions… seemed too much like a list of stuff someone says I SHOULD want to do instead of heartfelt change that I believe occurs naturally, when you’re ready for it.

A word for the year, however, is more like meditation.  It’s a way to remind yourself of your core value, the heart of what you are trying to accomplish for your self and your life that year.  I see it as a tool for clarity and focus.

So, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to narrow down my word for 2010.  For a while, I was torn between “focus” and “explore.”  I think that’s because I was still in that “New Year’s resolution” mindset, the one where you choose a goal based on what you think needs improving in yourself and your life.  That’s a path that has never worked for me–I’m not really sold on the idea that it works for anyone, but I KNOW if doesn’t work for me.

Anyway, I realized that those words didn’t really resonate with me. I didn’t want to spend my year thinking about how I needed to change– Heck, the biggest epiphany I’ve had in the last couple of years is that “I’m NOT broken” and I don’t want to move back into that mindset.  Instead, I want to use this tool as a way to bring more of something I love into my life… more friendship, more love, more fun, more happiness, more passion, more enthusiasm… And that thought led me to my word:

Pleasure

I love every aspect of dictionary.com definition of  the word “Pleasure”:

–verb (used without object)

Just hearing the word pleasure– and it’s synonym, “DELIGHT”–makes me smile.  I want very much to take pleasure in my life and the blessings that surround me.  I want to really notice and delight in all the things, large and small, that I have to feel grateful about… and to add pleasure and delight to the lives of those around me.

So what about you?  What’s do you want more of in 2010?